Last week, Saklan co-hosted a conversation with Dr. Ann-Louise Lockhart, author of Love the Teen You Have, in partnership with ParentMap—a consortium of schools that brings thoughtful authors and researchers to school communities like ours.
Dr. Lockhart’s message to parents was simple but radical: join the resistance. Resist the urge to fix, control, or over-teach your teens. Resist the pressure to be perfect. Resist the voice that says if you just say it one more time, they’ll finally listen. This conversation was full of gems—here are some of my takeaways.
Meet Them Where They Are and Join the Resistance
When your child resists, don’t fight it—join it. If your teen doesn’t want to talk, don’t push. Maybe text. Maybe just sit quietly beside them. Be attuned to what they need in the moment, not what you need. Joining the resistance isn’t about giving in; it’s about shifting from confrontation to connection. It’s realizing that presence—not persuasion—is what keeps the door open.
Do Less, Be Present
When our kids were little, we tried to make every moment a teachable one—narrating, correcting, guiding. But the older they get, the less that works. Teens don’t need a constant teacher; they need a calm, steady presence. Sometimes love means doing less—being available, not instructional. It can be surprising how zen it can feel just to “be” with them.
Nagging Is Kryptonite
Few things shut a teenager down faster than repetition. Nagging doesn’t motivate; it hardens resistance. Instead of asking the same question again, try curiosity: “I’ve noticed that assignment’s been hard to start—what do you think’s getting in the way?” That one shift invites conversation instead of combat.
Connection Over Correction
Everything comes back to relationships. When we focus less on managing behavior and more on understanding emotion, we help teens develop self-regulation and trust. They don’t need perfect parents—they need present ones.
At Saklan, this message resonates deeply. Our teachers know that learning—academic, social, or emotional—happens in the space between curiosity and connection. And our partnership with parents is strongest when we, too, resist the urge to over-manage and instead choose to be attuned, curious, and grounded.
So this weekend, take a breath, step back, and love the teen you have—right where they are.
You can view the recording of the conversation with Dr. Ann-Louise Lockhart here, using the access password: edTalks*2526.
Warmly,
David
#HeadsCorner
FRIDAY BLOG 