In my last piece, I wrote about lighthouse parenting: the idea that our children need us to be steady and dependable without constantly steering their course. A lighthouse provides guidance, security, and clear boundaries, but it does not remove every obstacle or determine the path.
That raises an important question: What develops in children when we give them room to navigate?
One answer is agency. AI researcher Andrej Karpathy has observed that agency is “both more powerful and scarcer than intelligence.” Intelligence may help children know what they could do; agency helps them actually do it.
Psychologists describe the belief that our choices can influence outcomes as an internal locus of control. As The Economist recently noted, people with a stronger sense of control tend to act more purposefully—from searching harder for work to saving more and following through on entrepreneurial ambitions. Agency does not guarantee success, but it makes action more likely.
Children develop that belief through experience. We can tell them they are capable, but they also need opportunities to experience themselves being capable. They need to make decisions, attempt solutions, encounter consequences, recover from mistakes, and discover that their efforts can change an outcome.
This is where lighthouse parenting becomes especially important. Rather than immediately solving a problem, we can help children understand it, consider their choices, and decide on a next step.
At Saklan, we want students to have repeated experiences of agency. Project Based Learning asks them to investigate authentic questions, make decisions, revise their thinking, work through uncertainty, and create something that matters. Classroom conversations invite students to share their perspectives, while reflection helps them recognize the connection between their choices and their growth.
Ultimately, the aim of lighthouse parenting is not simply to do less for our children. It is to make room for them to do more for themselves—and, over time, for others.
Perhaps one of the greatest gifts we can give children is not a perfectly cleared path, but the growing conviction that they can help determine where the path leads.
We can provide the steady light. They must gradually learn to navigate.
Warmly,
David
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